If your child forgets to say please and thank you more often than they remember, the problem is not manners — it is habit. Learning how to get kids to say “please” and “thank you” is not about constant reminders. It is about building the words so deeply into daily life that they become automatic.
This guide gives you the exact approach, the scripts, and a 7-day plan to make “please” and “thank you” second nature — not something you have to chase every single day.
Why Getting Kids to Say Please and Thank You Still Matters
In a world where communication happens faster and with less formality than ever, please and thank you have not lost their power — they have become rarer. That means the child who uses them naturally stands out. According to Zero to Three, children who learn polite language early develop stronger social connections and more positive relationships with adults outside the home.
- Please communicate respect — it says “I am asking, not demanding”
- Thank you communicates gratitude — it says “I see what you did for me”
- Together they open doors, build goodwill, and make every interaction warmer
- Children who use polite language are treated better by teachers, coaches, and peers
- They become adults who know how to ask for help and receive it graciously
How to Get Kids to Say Please and Thank You: 7 Steps That Work
Step 1: Model It Every Single Day Without Exception
Children learn language by hearing it used constantly. If you want your child to say please and thank you automatically, those words must be in your mouth first — every time, without fail. Say please when you ask your child to pass the salt. Say thank you when they hand you their plate. Say it to the cashier, the neighbor, and the server. Your child is watching all of it.
Step 2: Establish the Family Standard Early
Do not wait until your child is seven to make please and thank you a house rule. As early as 18 months, children can begin learning polite words, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. Set the standard at home before the world tests it elsewhere. “In our family, we say please and thank you. Always.”
Step 3: Require It Before Fulfilling Requests
When your child reaches for something without asking, or demands something without a please, pause. Do not hand it over. Simply wait with a calm, expectant look. If they do not add the word, gently say: “What do we say?” Then wait again. This is not punishment — it is training.
Step 4: Acknowledge It Every Time They Get It Right
Children repeat what gets noticed. When your child says please or thank you without being prompted, acknowledge it immediately. Not with fanfare — just a warm, genuine response: “I heard your please. Thank you for remembering.” That acknowledgment is worth more than any sticker chart.
Step 5: Connect the Words to Their Meaning
Many children say please and thank you on autopilot without understanding why. Take a moment to explain it at their level: “When you say thank you, you are telling Grandma that you noticed she got you a gift and it meant something to you. That is a very powerful thing to say.” Meaning makes the habit stick.
Step 6: Practice at the Table
Meal time is the single best daily training ground for polite language. Every pass of the bread, every request for more water, every favor at the table is a chance to practice “please” and “thank you” in a natural, low-stakes setting. Use it. For more on table manners and mealtime etiquette, see our Manners for Kids by Age guide.
Step 7: Hold the Standard Outside the Home Too
Please and thank you mean nothing if they only exist inside your house. When your child is with grandparents, at school, at a friend’s birthday party — the standard stays the same. Remind them before they walk in the door: “Remember our rule. Please and thank you, every time.” Then let them practice. Correct privately when needed.
What to Say to Get Kids to Say Please and Thank You
When your child demands something without saying please:
“That sounded like a demand. Try again — this time with please.”
When your child receives something without saying thank you:
“What do you say to Grandma? She worked hard on that.”
When your child remembers without being reminded:
“I heard you use your please just then. That is exactly the kind of respect I love to see.”
When your child rolls their eyes at the reminder:
“I understand it feels unnecessary. We still say it. It is part of who we are as a family.”
For more scripts on polite communication, explore our Conversation Skills Toolkit.
Common Mistakes Parents Make in Teaching Kids to Say Please and Thank You
Mistake 1: Reminding Without Requiring — Saying “What do you say?” but then handing over the item before they respond teaches children that the reminder is optional. Wait for the word every time before you follow through.
Mistake 2: Only Correcting, Never Praising — If your child only hears from you when they forget, please and thank you become associated with criticism. Catch them getting it right and say so.
Mistake 3: Accepting Mumbled or Insincere Versions — A barely audible “thankyou” said while walking away is not a thank you. It is a habit of avoidance. Require eye contact and a clear voice, at least in formal settings.
Mistake 4: Inconsistency Across Adults — If you require it but Dad does not, or Grandma lets it slide, the child learns that the rule applies sometimes. Align with the adults in your child’s life on the standard.
7-Day Plan to Get Kids Saying Please and Thank You
Day 1: Announce the household standard calmly at dinner: “Starting now, please and thank you are required in our home — not optional.” Explain why it matters in one sentence.
Day 2: Watch your own language all day. Count how many times you say please and thank you to your child. Children follow what they see far more than what they are told.
Day 3: At every meal, make a gentle habit of waiting for please before passing anything. No lecture, no reminder — just a pause and an expectant look.
Day 4: When you catch your child saying please or thank you without being reminded, stop and acknowledge it warmly. Be specific: “You thanked the server without me prompting you. I am proud of that.”
Day 5: Before an outing — a store, a neighbor’s house, a family visit — remind your child of the standard in one sentence: “Please and thank you today, every time.”
Day 6: At bedtime, ask your child: “Did you use your please and thank you today?” Let them reflect on it. This builds self-awareness, not shame.
Day 7: Acknowledge the week’s progress at dinner. Name one specific moment you saw them use polite language well. End on encouragement.
Ready to go deeper on polite behavior? Visit our Toolkits and Resources page or practice with the MannersMatterNow interactive app.
The Standard Is Worth Keeping
Please and thank you are not small words. They are the daily practice of respect and gratitude — two of the most powerful things a child can carry into adulthood. The parent who holds the standard firmly and kindly, every single day, gives their child a gift that lasts a lifetime.
Manners matter now because a child who says please and thank you without being reminded is a child who has learned to see others. That is worth every reminder it took to get there.
